Sunday, November 30, 2008

talk to me now i'm older..

well i'm over my break.. and coincidentally that cousin of mine just also borke up... coincidence? or maybe he's just gay... whatever.... anyway its over, and i think i have fallen for someone, i don't know if its a crush or if its love, but its something old that i feel, its like when i first met DD.. well things didn't hit off between me and her, maybe because i was a shy unconfidence bastards back then but now i have the confidence but i'm still alittle bit shy. so anyway, this crush is very blocky, and i dont even know why i used that word, but i'm sure that its just one of those things that i randomly think about.

i found out that after my final that more is coming next sem, but i wont have to worry about that, since i go with the flow, and my final assignments that i have to hand in was the poster, sized A2, and titled 'Support your Local Music'....and handed the bloody thing yesterday.

so this was my day this week, and i that girl that i have a crush on, well lets just say that my life ain't worth killing time for some dames. but if she knows who she is, then would you please for the love of god, tell me that i'm only dreaming, i dont have a chance with you so i can get on with my miserable life....

"i found the cure to growing older.. and you're the only place that feels like home... "
I Slept With Someone From Fall Out Boy And All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me-Fall Out Boy

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Finally its here, is it the final fantasy, is it the final countdown,

this week will be the final for my study... wish me luck..and i feel sick as fuck.....and again... wish me luck...

Monday, November 24, 2008

its there....the superheroes, the comic, and the live action Film

to many that is a great fan of comic-book superhero Captain america, most may know that he's already dead, in the mainstream comic book. he was shot by a sniper, then a few more times by handgun. why was he sent to court? read the story arc for yourself and you'll know. the arc is called "Fallen Son: The Death of Captain America" (Wikipedia)

Fortunately Winter Soldier AKA Bucky AKA Captain America's Sidekick will continue the Cap's Legacy, still using The Captain's suit and trademark shield, with a little addition of a combat knife, a gun, and some grenades..

and more good news for us all, in 2011he live action film of Captain America titled "The First Avengers: Captain America" is coming. then also in the same year, a film that really took my breath away, the one that i've been waiting for since the first day that i found the Acengers comic book, the live action film for "The Avengers". of course there an animated version of the avengers too that have been played in TV for quite some time now titled The Ultimate Avengers, which ironically is probably what the film is based on.

yeah it does, because many of the marvel film is basically based on ultimates marvel universe. like the incredible hulk , ironman, and of course Nick Fury is called General Fury, and played by Samuel L. Jackson and basically, the ultimates Nick Fury is also based on Samuel L. Jackson.

anyway, according to the online post i've been reading, the roster for the First Avengers Movie is of course, "CAPTAIN AMERICA (Steve Rogers), IronMan (Tony Stark), WarMachine (James Rhodes, and Thor (SOn Of Odin, Prince of Asgards), and judging by the way "The Incredible Hulk" film ended, (it ended with Tony Stark approaching General Thunderbolts about the Avenger's Initiative) Hulk is gonna be in there too. but from the various comics that i have read, he wont be so co-operative...

tragically, the original Avengers is not in it, specifically Ant-Man AKA GiantMan AKA YellowJAcket (Hank Pym) and THe Wasp (Janet Pym, HAnk's Wife)... and speaking of Ant-Man, his life action film is unnder development, the director for The Avenger's Film should include Ant-Man into the film since it fits right in, and its probably the right spot for Hank Pym anyway. WarMachines should just be in Iron Man 2. but its their decision, so whatever they make, lets just hope its good.

and maybe the plot for the Avengers movie will be like the animated Avengers, that is, starting with the Alien Invasion(Skrull's Chitituari) of earth. then Captain America is found frozen in ice, at the north pole, then the bringing him back to life, but that is likely to be Captain America's plot. ergh, whatever, it seems that my brain is struggling to make sure it doesn't explode waiting for the movie to come out...

so for now, good bye and "Exelsior"(Stan Lee's Line)

"Time,I've been passing time watching trains go by,All of my life,Lying on the sand, watching seabirds fly,Wishing there would be,Someone waiting home for me,Something's telling me it might be you....."
(It Might Be You-Kai)

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

steady as she goes, and i'm still wobbly....

is it really love when you have a girlfriend when you're below the age of 18, or to be more exact when you're still schooling? from what i've seen in kids these days, and i've seen a lot, they are kinda crazy about finding girldfriends and boyfriends. and their libidos are just taking over wuickly, and at younger age. i've met this kid at the age of 8, thats in Primary 2, that tells me that he has a girlfriend, and at first i thought he meant that he has a crush on some girl, but it turns out that he does, and the girl actually is his girlfriend. and that was just in primary school. then i find my cousin, in secondary school.

earlier last year, i heard he has this girlfriend, who is older than he is, about four years older. then when i told him, that having a girlfriend at his age wont last about two month, he told me that it was going to b forever. so it turns out i was wrong, it only lasted for about three weeks. then it turns out he has another girlfriend, who he tells me that 'will' last , again, until forever. then one month later, again breaking up. this is the pattern that he goes through. i dont think he gets the point of dating, but i also think that because i've been calling him gay, it may turn out that he is gay.yeah maybe thats it, maybe its because he's gay. and also there's this girl that he says is gonna be his girlfriend, i mean he even tried to write a song for her, the song is kinda stupid, but in the end it didn't worked out. i wanted to make a move on her, but i'm not that kind of guy, who moves in too fast. i barely know her.

anyway, now my cousin is with this young girl, in form 1. i think it will only last about three maybe four month. but i don't care about him. plus i still think he's gay, he's just still in denial. plus the girl is probably still too young to know how to love. so the question that usually comes to mind is how old until we are ready to love? but i can't tell you that, but probably one of my seniors can, he actually posted this blog about what i'm talking about. i can't compare mine to his, because most of my blogs are just random things with experience that i have from things, or things that i know. but his is more factual, and more detailed.

and i'm having a really rough week. these last few weeks haven't been really nice to me, i mean, assignments, exams next week, and most recently, i'm heart broken. i wont tell anyone who broke my heart, but it does hurt right now. that night really sucked and i dont intend on being with anyone for about at least two weeks. i can manage to get back on my feet, barely but i'll live.

"never did i try to be yours, and never did you try to be mine, but we did meet, and our hearts were intertwined, but sadly it all comes to an end, on the month before the last, november is never gonna be a blast, then again it never was....."

Monday, November 17, 2008

last night she said goodbye...

well lets not do this again... but good bye...

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

People are people because they are miserables bastard

no matter how we look at our lives, we are never truly happy. even if you are happy about something like getting that bonus on your pay, or that girl you like actually likes you too, or even you winning a free car, theres always this part of yourselves that feels miserable. as i have come to notice, we never really get what we want, maybe its for the best, maybe its just not your fate to get it. why is it that we are destined to be miserable? its because if we are happy then we dont strive to do anything. we just sit on our ass and just enjoy it. but its much more enjoyable when we work for what we want, happiness comes from what we earn. but then again if we get what we wanted wont that just be easier?

nothings comes easy in this life, even when you are rich you wont feel totally happy, there the income tax to worry about, then about people asking you for money, or taking care of your money after you gone, will it be enough to finance your entire family, there is a never ending chains of question. some questions are stupid, but then some are concerned-wise, and some are just questions. these questions are the factor at making us miserables, they cloud our minds into thinking that we are never gonna achieve that super happy state. its kind of this sub concious mind thing that happen to us everyday. like me, these questions appear to me every time i open my eyes. but the questions in my life are different than the question that is in somebody else's mind. just trying to answer these question can bring you into total depression, maybe these are the things that causes some people to have psychological problem, maybe its not, but whatever it is, these questions that appear in our heads are hard to miss.

our lifes are about answering these question, different questions appear for different people with different lifestyles, but there are major questions that we all have in common. some of them are: will we ever be happy? when will we die? who is our true love? are we ever gonna be rich? no matter what you do you have to always work hard at what you are trying to achieve, and never ever give up even when theres doubt in your mind. because no matter what you do, theres always another day, after today.

"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift, that is why its called a present"

Monday, November 3, 2008

thinking of the old days

anyway...to really get back in the days of my school life, i should post my very first written thing inside the book that have been mentioned before...i named the creepy thing "my thoughts exactly"

29th March 2006, Wednesday

My Thoughts Exactly
'The Weeds Do Work'


What to do if Ten people start fighting? how should i know, besides its just an opening quotes. well what the heck, i'll just start writing as my journey starts today, a journey that long ago i started but just today i started chronicling it. This is my story, story of my life, sum of my life, and 'The Journey'

What if i were to tell you that people have a short life? if they knew they were gonna die tomorrow what would they do? Probably they will do everything in one day. But apparently thing aren't always what they seem, or do they?....Hm...i'll have to think about that.
THinking all and all, everything has gone ballistic and people are dying everyday, caused by war and total pollution as it is part of our lives.

Maybe pollution isn't bad, i mean they do contribute to some of the most dangerous diseases like asthma, bronchitis, lung cancer, normal cancer, TB, and some other not worth mentioning. thinking back in my mind, perhaps just as long as we live, our lives trend to be are always surrounded by poison, threatening our lives each minutes second, and nano-seconds(physics, just learned)

THese are my thoughts for today, the day of wednes, the first day of my chronicles, the first day of my life.
END


and i just realize why i started writing this thing. it happened after the death of my friend that same year. after going to his funeral, i realized that my life could end at any time, and what then? what would i do when i die? do i have any legacy? have i left my footstep in this world, so that was why i was so active that year... explains a lot... but after that, death was like a normal thing to me....thats the end of my post... thank you..

"what i gotta do to make you want me?what i gotta do to be heard?what do i say when its all over?and sorry seems to be the hardest word"
Elton John featuring Blue- Sorry seems to be the hardest Word

the past, using my deloreon, or to be exact my EX5 class, i've travelled back....

since its almost the end of the year, i do my yearly ravaging through my old stuff.... and in the spirit of ending the year i also like to dedicate my deepest condolences to my Uncle and Cousin in MIRI for the lost of my Auntie Sarimah...(Al-fatihah if your a Muslim)

anyway, in wednesday went with the entire family on my mother's side to MIRI in the middle of the night, and we arrive just in time before the burial...

anyway, about ravaging through my old stuff... i've found something earlier in my life that could be sorta of a blog to me, only it was in papers, and i write on it using pen, with some broken grammar, and weird syllables. and guess what, i've also found that people actually read my rambling in that book, and to be very honest it was kindla like my diary back then.. and after reading through the thing again, i've found that it wasn't actually anything close to what i'm doing now. it was more influenced by my obsesion of indie music back then and something involving death and the environment.... dont wrry, if i have the chance i'll scan the bloody thing..


and the sad thing is about that, my diary was read by people... and it succesfully became like my own handwritten blog. people actually enjoy my death rambles, and mocking people... the year of the diary was in 2006, when i was in form 4. i started writing that after implying that my social skills were very ugly, and stopped writing after i have some friends, and then quickly everyone became my friend, and by the end of the year i didn't finish what i started i just left the book, because probably i was busy with the school magazine, and Police Cadet, and other stuff, sports and such and not forgetting the big Marching thing at Padang MErdeka, which was the nationwide celebration in Kuching. and i was lucky to be chosen, because it comes and goes about ten years or so for sarawak to be chosen to celebrate the Independence Day nationwide. and i was in it...heheheheh.. i dont have the picture but i do have some pictures of us training there....



The Yellow Liners

ME and Pyzul


on the way ke padang merdeka... still with pyzul...

early morning preparation, still dizzy because did not have
enough sleep.. Getting enough sleep, tired after training....
those were some really awesome time, i mean meeting new friends, and such.... plus meeting pretty girls, but not really pretty....ewh...
To be continued...