a new year, the end of something, and starting of something...

THIS IS A FORWARD WARNING: ANYTHING FEATURED HERE WILL NOT HAVE ANY PICTURE, AND PARENTAL ADVISORY IS ADVISED FOR CHILDREN WITH INTELLIGENCE AT THE SAME LEVEL AS MY COUSIN AZZRA. ANYTHING THAT IS CONSIDERED A COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT WILL BE ENTERTAINED AND CAN BE DIRECTED TO MY COMMENT. BUT I LIED IT WILL NOT BE ENTERTAINED, BECAUSE IT WILL BE TREATED AS THOUGHT IT IS AN UNIMPORTANT THING, LIKE A SINGLE STRAIND OF YARN IN MY SHIRT OR A WATER DRIPPING SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE OF AN EMPTY FOREST.THANK YOU

okay, tonight is the big countdown. and tomorrow is a new year. which i totally think sucks.. and by sucks i mean really sucks. cause every new year, i have to follow my parent and go to some stupid barbeque, and all. and the bad thing is, i have no friend at the barbeque. E-In is in KL, probably having a blast celebrating new year there, and Opie is probably at the PLKN camp celebrating there, or maybe he's here... whatever...

i have no mood celebrating new year, cause as i've always thought of it as meaningless. and probably because i have a fever caused by my stupid idiotic sore throat. and to make things worse, nobodies home. and i'm alone to face this horrible predicament like luke skywalker fighting darth vader in Episode 5... or 6...its 5

and making matter's worse is that, i have lost my voice, due to the sore throat. so in the worse case scenario, i probably have to stay at home, and be sick while the others are celebrating new year, hey i mean a barbeque is better than feeling all fucked up sick at home...at least its better than last year, and to make matters worse, another year alone... she's not here, and if you're reading this baby, always know i'll always think of you..hehehehe

i want to go somewhere else next year, maybe go to KL or Miri to celebrate Nu Metal Year... plus my birthday is coming this january and to be precise its the 10th...... following up to that i would also like to point out that this year my january 10th birthday will coincide with my birthday in the Islamic calender, that is 13 Muharram... which also is like last year, coincide with Awal Muharram. and somehow its a sign from god that i must be more pious and not miss my solat and stuff, but i cant do that especially when i'm turing 18. but i must. and by the way my birthday will be celebrated with a zikir and kia mulaail at my house. its better that than what Azzra did.

"then there were just the 2 of us, why couldn't have we been more, why couldn't have we love each other, and till the end we regretted our lost, and neglected to see that our lives were fading...." KMKORG- Till the end...(i'm forming this band... and this song i did write)

the day i kissed your lips and you are gone...

and it was gone... and nearly just before the end of the year, in any case... happy new year!~~~ whatever....

and as an early new year treat, i've jumble up some bee gees with some of my own words, the song is "THE FIRST OF MAY"

when i was small,
and school desk were tall,
we used to love while others used to study,
don't ask me why,
but time has passed us by,
someone else moved in from that stupid place
....

guess thats it.... i just wanted to say that... heheehhehe, new year gives me brain damage... and it all comes back to haunt me every day... and my mind will go into a catatonic state, or as i like to call it my BIAWAK LAND SPECIAL....

a modern day randomness

THIS IS A FORWARD WARNING: ANYTHING FEATURED HERE WILL NOT HAVE ANY PICTURE, AND PARENTAL ADVISORY IS ADVISED FOR CHILDREN WITH INTELLIGENCE AT THE SAME LEVEL AS MY COUSIN AZZRA. ANYTHING THAT IS CONSIDERED A COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT WILL BE ENTERTAINED AND CAN BE DIRECTED TO MY COMMENT. BUT I LIED IT WILL NOT BE ENTERTAINED, BECAUSE IT WILL BE TREATED AS THOUGHT IT IS AN UNIMPORTANT THING, LIKE A SINGLE STRAIND OF YARN IN MY SHIRT OR A WATER DRIPPING SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE OF AN EMPTY FOREST.THANK YOU

this is just another one of my blogs that i dont think is important. it is an update. pictures can be fun, but i dont like using to much picture because it ruined my language department, plus i dont like my blogs to be filled with random pictures like ERNA's(yes you) blog. no seriously, too many pictures can create different meaning and i have a lot of pictures with a lot of memories, but i never used any of them to describe the words in my blog. and i'm sorry in advance if this blogs irritate you ERNA, but its just what i do, i'm annoying.

i dont get it with people, especially my friends, everytime i talk, they laugh at me, Azzra said its because eveything i said is funny, but i dont think so, he thinks its funny because something is definitely wrong with him, but how about the other people? anyway i wont think about that, that much because i have more things to worry about. like what to do with my life now? or what to eat for breakfast tomorrow? or do i have to go jogging the next morning? the answer to all of that is stupid, i know, but it doesn't help that those are the question that keep appearing inside my mind, and for some apparent reason, i'm just typing what keeps popping insde my mind. i hate it when that happens. and the rambling just continue on and on and on and on..

and to anyone who manages to read my writing as far as here, seriously its a lost cause. and thats all i;ve got to say...

"Oh Bidadari, berulaskan syair oleh awan, sang rembulan, tidak putus menyeret dawai biola, memujuk bidadari, agar tidak membilang lawan, agar menghentikan getar-getar, yg berkelana di ratusan jiwa"
Hujan-Di kala Bulan Bermain Biola

whatever you eat becomes something...

i like to eat, and thats a fact...
here's where i go to eat
and i got pictures too





Kaya And Toast, for breakfast, a choice of Nasi Lemak Special or Curry Mee
but that day i ate there i ordered Nasi Lemak Special

yummy...

and for lunch i ate at Manhattan Fish Market, i know, people only eat there for Dinner, but its me...i ordered the Grilled Platter for One

usually i order the Flaming Platter for one but my mom ordered that so i didn't..

and by the way since i'm using more picutres now, i'll reduce what i'll have to say, because pictures paints a thousand words, so whats another hundred from me is gonna do, i'll let the pictures make the words... have your imaginations...


"Lookin' back as lovers go walkin past, all of my life, Wonderin' how they met and what makes it last, If i found the place, would I recognize the face? Something's tellin' me it might be you"

It Might Be you- Steven Bishop

Dear Sayang

Dear Sayang,

Dear Sayang,
I know your far away right now,
In Some far away place,
In a far away town,
I'm sorry if i didn't see you off,
its because i didn't get a chance to,
but don't worry,
i'll be here when you're back,
waiting on your love,
will you love me back?,
hey, i know theres a lot of guy over there too,
they're just friends,
but me i'm more,
remember me always,
don't ever forget,
our promise that night,
or we both regret,
i miss you here,
do you miss me too?
i can only hope that you'll always remember me,
text me always,
i'll reply back instantly,
give me a miss call,
i'll call you back,
one miss called will turned me insane,
two could kill me,
i wouldn't know what could happen on three,
but i'll only say this,
missing you sayang,
always will,
i'll wait until you're back,
even if its forever,
i love you sayang,
always and ever...

the visit.. and the unfortunate... and the irony

last week, T-man's cousin from Terengganu came to kuching, so the plan was hanging out with them, which was a blast, and i learned something new while with them, especially about the night life, and something else...(secret) anyway... this is the picture of us hanging out at Great Eastern... and it was a blast, and i
started to go back home in the morning again...

2 kelisa park next to each other with the volume maximum can cause a lot of noise


then theres that gay dude with us too...



so that was it... got a new friend learn something and did something... then went home early, the next day...and about the picture, somebody complained to me that i dont have any picture in my blog... so there you go... this is what you get...

and since i'm doing all the picture stuff, i'm gonna give something ironic, an ironic situation..

i met this truck on the way back from Miri, this truck carries the supply of gas to gas station, but ironicly, it ran out of gas

there you go happy?

"When I wake up, I'm willing to take my chances on the hope I forget that you hate, Him more than you notice.I wrote this for you. (For you so...) You need him. I could be him... I could be an accident but I'm still trying. That's more than I can say for him. "

Fall Out Boy-Grand Theft Autumn

today is another day... and something else

i found out that i'm gonna hav to go to the PLKN.....good thing or bad thing? i dont know.... but anyway..i'll just go throught it.. its a call of duty, plus i'm interested in holding the colt M16.. so goodbye...

talk to me now i'm older..

well i'm over my break.. and coincidentally that cousin of mine just also borke up... coincidence? or maybe he's just gay... whatever.... anyway its over, and i think i have fallen for someone, i don't know if its a crush or if its love, but its something old that i feel, its like when i first met DD.. well things didn't hit off between me and her, maybe because i was a shy unconfidence bastards back then but now i have the confidence but i'm still alittle bit shy. so anyway, this crush is very blocky, and i dont even know why i used that word, but i'm sure that its just one of those things that i randomly think about.

i found out that after my final that more is coming next sem, but i wont have to worry about that, since i go with the flow, and my final assignments that i have to hand in was the poster, sized A2, and titled 'Support your Local Music'....and handed the bloody thing yesterday.

so this was my day this week, and i that girl that i have a crush on, well lets just say that my life ain't worth killing time for some dames. but if she knows who she is, then would you please for the love of god, tell me that i'm only dreaming, i dont have a chance with you so i can get on with my miserable life....

"i found the cure to growing older.. and you're the only place that feels like home... "
I Slept With Someone From Fall Out Boy And All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me-Fall Out Boy

Finally its here, is it the final fantasy, is it the final countdown,

this week will be the final for my study... wish me luck..and i feel sick as fuck.....and again... wish me luck...

its there....the superheroes, the comic, and the live action Film

to many that is a great fan of comic-book superhero Captain america, most may know that he's already dead, in the mainstream comic book. he was shot by a sniper, then a few more times by handgun. why was he sent to court? read the story arc for yourself and you'll know. the arc is called "Fallen Son: The Death of Captain America" (Wikipedia)

Fortunately Winter Soldier AKA Bucky AKA Captain America's Sidekick will continue the Cap's Legacy, still using The Captain's suit and trademark shield, with a little addition of a combat knife, a gun, and some grenades..

and more good news for us all, in 2011he live action film of Captain America titled "The First Avengers: Captain America" is coming. then also in the same year, a film that really took my breath away, the one that i've been waiting for since the first day that i found the Acengers comic book, the live action film for "The Avengers". of course there an animated version of the avengers too that have been played in TV for quite some time now titled The Ultimate Avengers, which ironically is probably what the film is based on.

yeah it does, because many of the marvel film is basically based on ultimates marvel universe. like the incredible hulk , ironman, and of course Nick Fury is called General Fury, and played by Samuel L. Jackson and basically, the ultimates Nick Fury is also based on Samuel L. Jackson.

anyway, according to the online post i've been reading, the roster for the First Avengers Movie is of course, "CAPTAIN AMERICA (Steve Rogers), IronMan (Tony Stark), WarMachine (James Rhodes, and Thor (SOn Of Odin, Prince of Asgards), and judging by the way "The Incredible Hulk" film ended, (it ended with Tony Stark approaching General Thunderbolts about the Avenger's Initiative) Hulk is gonna be in there too. but from the various comics that i have read, he wont be so co-operative...

tragically, the original Avengers is not in it, specifically Ant-Man AKA GiantMan AKA YellowJAcket (Hank Pym) and THe Wasp (Janet Pym, HAnk's Wife)... and speaking of Ant-Man, his life action film is unnder development, the director for The Avenger's Film should include Ant-Man into the film since it fits right in, and its probably the right spot for Hank Pym anyway. WarMachines should just be in Iron Man 2. but its their decision, so whatever they make, lets just hope its good.

and maybe the plot for the Avengers movie will be like the animated Avengers, that is, starting with the Alien Invasion(Skrull's Chitituari) of earth. then Captain America is found frozen in ice, at the north pole, then the bringing him back to life, but that is likely to be Captain America's plot. ergh, whatever, it seems that my brain is struggling to make sure it doesn't explode waiting for the movie to come out...

so for now, good bye and "Exelsior"(Stan Lee's Line)

"Time,I've been passing time watching trains go by,All of my life,Lying on the sand, watching seabirds fly,Wishing there would be,Someone waiting home for me,Something's telling me it might be you....."
(It Might Be You-Kai)

steady as she goes, and i'm still wobbly....

is it really love when you have a girlfriend when you're below the age of 18, or to be more exact when you're still schooling? from what i've seen in kids these days, and i've seen a lot, they are kinda crazy about finding girldfriends and boyfriends. and their libidos are just taking over wuickly, and at younger age. i've met this kid at the age of 8, thats in Primary 2, that tells me that he has a girlfriend, and at first i thought he meant that he has a crush on some girl, but it turns out that he does, and the girl actually is his girlfriend. and that was just in primary school. then i find my cousin, in secondary school.

earlier last year, i heard he has this girlfriend, who is older than he is, about four years older. then when i told him, that having a girlfriend at his age wont last about two month, he told me that it was going to b forever. so it turns out i was wrong, it only lasted for about three weeks. then it turns out he has another girlfriend, who he tells me that 'will' last , again, until forever. then one month later, again breaking up. this is the pattern that he goes through. i dont think he gets the point of dating, but i also think that because i've been calling him gay, it may turn out that he is gay.yeah maybe thats it, maybe its because he's gay. and also there's this girl that he says is gonna be his girlfriend, i mean he even tried to write a song for her, the song is kinda stupid, but in the end it didn't worked out. i wanted to make a move on her, but i'm not that kind of guy, who moves in too fast. i barely know her.

anyway, now my cousin is with this young girl, in form 1. i think it will only last about three maybe four month. but i don't care about him. plus i still think he's gay, he's just still in denial. plus the girl is probably still too young to know how to love. so the question that usually comes to mind is how old until we are ready to love? but i can't tell you that, but probably one of my seniors can, he actually posted this blog about what i'm talking about. i can't compare mine to his, because most of my blogs are just random things with experience that i have from things, or things that i know. but his is more factual, and more detailed.

and i'm having a really rough week. these last few weeks haven't been really nice to me, i mean, assignments, exams next week, and most recently, i'm heart broken. i wont tell anyone who broke my heart, but it does hurt right now. that night really sucked and i dont intend on being with anyone for about at least two weeks. i can manage to get back on my feet, barely but i'll live.

"never did i try to be yours, and never did you try to be mine, but we did meet, and our hearts were intertwined, but sadly it all comes to an end, on the month before the last, november is never gonna be a blast, then again it never was....."

last night she said goodbye...

well lets not do this again... but good bye...

People are people because they are miserables bastard

no matter how we look at our lives, we are never truly happy. even if you are happy about something like getting that bonus on your pay, or that girl you like actually likes you too, or even you winning a free car, theres always this part of yourselves that feels miserable. as i have come to notice, we never really get what we want, maybe its for the best, maybe its just not your fate to get it. why is it that we are destined to be miserable? its because if we are happy then we dont strive to do anything. we just sit on our ass and just enjoy it. but its much more enjoyable when we work for what we want, happiness comes from what we earn. but then again if we get what we wanted wont that just be easier?

nothings comes easy in this life, even when you are rich you wont feel totally happy, there the income tax to worry about, then about people asking you for money, or taking care of your money after you gone, will it be enough to finance your entire family, there is a never ending chains of question. some questions are stupid, but then some are concerned-wise, and some are just questions. these questions are the factor at making us miserables, they cloud our minds into thinking that we are never gonna achieve that super happy state. its kind of this sub concious mind thing that happen to us everyday. like me, these questions appear to me every time i open my eyes. but the questions in my life are different than the question that is in somebody else's mind. just trying to answer these question can bring you into total depression, maybe these are the things that causes some people to have psychological problem, maybe its not, but whatever it is, these questions that appear in our heads are hard to miss.

our lifes are about answering these question, different questions appear for different people with different lifestyles, but there are major questions that we all have in common. some of them are: will we ever be happy? when will we die? who is our true love? are we ever gonna be rich? no matter what you do you have to always work hard at what you are trying to achieve, and never ever give up even when theres doubt in your mind. because no matter what you do, theres always another day, after today.

"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift, that is why its called a present"

thinking of the old days

anyway...to really get back in the days of my school life, i should post my very first written thing inside the book that have been mentioned before...i named the creepy thing "my thoughts exactly"

29th March 2006, Wednesday

My Thoughts Exactly
'The Weeds Do Work'


What to do if Ten people start fighting? how should i know, besides its just an opening quotes. well what the heck, i'll just start writing as my journey starts today, a journey that long ago i started but just today i started chronicling it. This is my story, story of my life, sum of my life, and 'The Journey'

What if i were to tell you that people have a short life? if they knew they were gonna die tomorrow what would they do? Probably they will do everything in one day. But apparently thing aren't always what they seem, or do they?....Hm...i'll have to think about that.
THinking all and all, everything has gone ballistic and people are dying everyday, caused by war and total pollution as it is part of our lives.

Maybe pollution isn't bad, i mean they do contribute to some of the most dangerous diseases like asthma, bronchitis, lung cancer, normal cancer, TB, and some other not worth mentioning. thinking back in my mind, perhaps just as long as we live, our lives trend to be are always surrounded by poison, threatening our lives each minutes second, and nano-seconds(physics, just learned)

THese are my thoughts for today, the day of wednes, the first day of my chronicles, the first day of my life.
END


and i just realize why i started writing this thing. it happened after the death of my friend that same year. after going to his funeral, i realized that my life could end at any time, and what then? what would i do when i die? do i have any legacy? have i left my footstep in this world, so that was why i was so active that year... explains a lot... but after that, death was like a normal thing to me....thats the end of my post... thank you..

"what i gotta do to make you want me?what i gotta do to be heard?what do i say when its all over?and sorry seems to be the hardest word"
Elton John featuring Blue- Sorry seems to be the hardest Word

the past, using my deloreon, or to be exact my EX5 class, i've travelled back....

since its almost the end of the year, i do my yearly ravaging through my old stuff.... and in the spirit of ending the year i also like to dedicate my deepest condolences to my Uncle and Cousin in MIRI for the lost of my Auntie Sarimah...(Al-fatihah if your a Muslim)

anyway, in wednesday went with the entire family on my mother's side to MIRI in the middle of the night, and we arrive just in time before the burial...

anyway, about ravaging through my old stuff... i've found something earlier in my life that could be sorta of a blog to me, only it was in papers, and i write on it using pen, with some broken grammar, and weird syllables. and guess what, i've also found that people actually read my rambling in that book, and to be very honest it was kindla like my diary back then.. and after reading through the thing again, i've found that it wasn't actually anything close to what i'm doing now. it was more influenced by my obsesion of indie music back then and something involving death and the environment.... dont wrry, if i have the chance i'll scan the bloody thing..


and the sad thing is about that, my diary was read by people... and it succesfully became like my own handwritten blog. people actually enjoy my death rambles, and mocking people... the year of the diary was in 2006, when i was in form 4. i started writing that after implying that my social skills were very ugly, and stopped writing after i have some friends, and then quickly everyone became my friend, and by the end of the year i didn't finish what i started i just left the book, because probably i was busy with the school magazine, and Police Cadet, and other stuff, sports and such and not forgetting the big Marching thing at Padang MErdeka, which was the nationwide celebration in Kuching. and i was lucky to be chosen, because it comes and goes about ten years or so for sarawak to be chosen to celebrate the Independence Day nationwide. and i was in it...heheheheh.. i dont have the picture but i do have some pictures of us training there....

The Yellow Liners

ME and Pyzul

on the way ke padang merdeka... still with pyzul...

early morning preparation, still dizzy because did not have

enough sleep.. Getting enough sleep, tired after training....

those were some really awesome time, i mean meeting new friends, and such.... plus meeting pretty girls, but not really pretty....ewh...

To be continued...

Heroes is the best, and here's my thing that i do

THE PETRELLIs



The petrelli's family power are mainly taking power from someone else. three of the family members have displayed this ability, such are Arthur, Peter, and Gabriel/Sylar. Arthur takes power by taking them whole, not leaving a trace, but fortunate they are alive. peter's power are empathy mimicry, meaning that he can have the power just by being exposed to them. and the last guy is Gabriel/Sylar. he can mimic the powers too, but his way is different, he must first find out how the powers works, only then he can do it.the form is intuitive aptitude. these proves that LIKE FATHER LIKE SON.isnt it cool?



but theres another guy missing, Nathan. but according to the season 3 episode, nathan was born without any power, so his parent gave him powers, unfortunately, the powers are not so great than what his parent expected but its also cool. he can fly.



and next theres Angela. she is a precog, but she doesn't paint, think of it as imagination precog. too bad in the recent episode she is in a Coma.



and then theres the granddaughter, named Claire. she doesn't take power because the line blood is long, so she didn't inherit the power. but theres another reason, Nathan doesn't have original powers, it was synthetic power, he was injected with, however, Claire's mother is also an evolve human, the born with the power kind. and i do mean her real mother meredith the pyrokinetic one. pyrokinetic have the uncanny ability to not get hurt when they start fire with any part of their body. so this power is almost like regenerative healing, only they cant get burn easily. the traits there.



and since i'm in the mood to talk about power. i too have the imagination to have powers too. and if anyone actually has the actual formula that is talked about in the show, please inject me with it. i would like to have powers seriously. nah i'm kidding. but it sure would be awesome.

" Why are you scared to dream of god, when it's salvation that you want? You see stars that clear have been dead for years,But the idea just lives on...."

We are Nowhere And its Now-BrightEyes

i'm afraid to be your friend because i'll always want more

i came back from the great life,
it is by chance,
from the attention of a lot of girl,
to just wanting it from you,
but my ways were wrong,
i mistreated you,
just like all your past boyfriends,
but all you wanted was the old me,
because of my ego,
i forgot what you wanted,
never inteding to hurt you,
and not asking for forgiveness,
because it wasnt all my fault,
you had your share,

you showed me your love,
but i choked,
regretting that choice,
awkward filled me,
not wanting to lose you,
and losing your friendship,
our friendship was the bond,
that made me fall in love with you,
and in the end,
we ended up looking at each other,
and asking ourselves questions,
where would we go?
what path is to be taken?
will we ever be more than just friends?


Inspired by:
JUST FRIENDS,
starring Ryan Reynolds and Amy Smart.

Jungle Of Hope

This is one of my all time favourite novel. it became so after countless hours of reading it, iover and over again, befoire going to sleep, and waiting for my dad to pick me up from school. then again, it wasn't my favourite all the time, before this it was Dr. JEkyll and Mr. Hyde. it became so after i actually really understood what the meaning of the story was, and the relevance of the story to our lives, and to be exact, the live of the student thats bound to read it. when people read novels, they read because they want entertainment, and its not easy to find one who really interpret the meaning of the real agenda behind the story. mostly the student that reads them only read them because their teacher told them to do so, and if they dont read the actual thing, the teachers knows this.. and at times, i too know when my friends haven't read the actual novel.

at first i was really confused at the story, and how it begins, but later i found out the significance of the story to my life. many would laugh at the fact that i would actually emulate something from what i've read, when in actual life, i'm not that kind of person, and to be honest, i'm not that of religious person too. anyway, the truth about the story was that, it was written in 1983 by the guy that called himself Kris Mas. it was a story about how families struggle to survive just a few years before the start of the second world war. their hometown being bought by the English for Tin mining, and moving andd starting a new land in the middle of the jungle. and at long last, the families, got through with it and live happily.


there are two characters that i want to focus on, that is Zaidi and Pak Kia . these 2 characters represent each one of us in one way or another.

Zaidi:
Zaidi is this modern thinking guy who doesn't solely depends on rice fields like his brother Pak Kia, and he makes a living by running a shop, and employing aborigines to supply him with rotan and such. but he is not greedy, and he is religious. he follows the Kaum Muda teaching, and tried hard to fit in wiht time unlike his brother. Zaidi is the kind of guy who can adapt to changes quickly. what i'm about to write may change your life, or it may not, but whatever it does just, read on through. The opening of the tin mines, and rubber plantation means the ending of the old days, meaning its the end of the rice planting, and on with the making rubber and industries. that is what is written in the book, its the conveyed message. but from my point of view, the ending of the old days represents the end of our school life. it means we need to move on sooner or later, but whatever our decision is we still have to move on. zaidi accepted the change quickly but realized that not everyone can be like him. sound familiar? well after finishing secondary school, some of us can adapt to life in college or university much quicker than anyone else. you are adapting just fine without realizing that not everyone around you are fine. some are slow to accept the change but some can't accept the change and are left behind. in the novel those who i meant is left behind is the other townfolks who left the town and starts another rice fields in some other town. and in real life, those who are left behind mean that some may drop out due to the harsh nature of college life. so in short Zaidi represent change, or ourselves moving forward into new things adventuring into the unknown.

Pak Kia:
Pak Kia is the old guy that at first solely depends on rice fields for a living. meaning if the rice fields get blown away by a hurricane, he and his family would die of starvation. he was at first adamant on staying where he is, not intending to sell his rice fields and move somewhere else. but as the story progress, he decided that it was time to move, so he agreed with zaidi to sell the land, and he and his family started a new life in Janda Baik. he struggled to open the new land, and in the end he succeeded. the intepretation here, its not always easy adapting to changes in the world around you especially when you have lived way too long in the old world. you start to feel uneasy about moving on, not wanting to change the way you have your life now. this relates to the life of a secondary school graduate by meaning that some of the student dont want to move on with their life. they rather live in the "old world" meaning school, they dont want to leave school because they grew up living in the school, and learning and maturing with its environment. the reason is there things that may scare you when you move to college or university, like the way you study, at school you are spoonfed with every detail of info into your brain and forced to memorized the thing over and over again. while in college or university, its different, you have to study hard, take notes for yourself, do more research, study group and more. this sometimes scares the 'Pak Kia', because this is a new environment to them. they are the kinds that take things slowly, and changes slowly, not wanting to lose memory of what they have had in the old world while they travel to the new world which was quite unknown to them. Pak Kia represent the old way of life, the part of ourselves that wants everything to stay the same and at the same time wants to move forward but slowly, discovering the new world.

this was my intepretation of what the Novel Jungle Of Hope. although the writer has been deceased for years, i still respected him for what he wrote. and i think this is what the education at school wanted us to know by reading the novel, at least that is what i hope it is.

but seriously, the conclusion from what i had read before was that, changes is always okay, although sometimes it may be challenging at times but you have to change, you have to move forward and carry on with your life.


"Our paths they did cross, though I cannot say just why,
We met, we laughed, we held on fast, and then we said goodbye
And who'll hear the echoes of stories never told?
Let them ring out loud till they unfold"

Melodies of Life-Emiko Shiratori (Soundtrack Final Fantasy 9, Garnet's song)

Real Life is much better, so is Fantasy

real life is lame, but its real, and we are the occupants. probably many people wished that they can live in the world of fantasy. i mean, i can't deny that i sometimes imagine that i'm in the world of HEROES, where i would have the powers of cryogenic, meaning i can create ice, which is kinda awesome. but seriously there is nothing wrong with imagining that you're in some fantasy world but when its time to wake up from those fantasy, you have to wake up. really wake up. some dont intend to wake up from those fantasy, and sadly most of them turned up crazy, or killing themselves.

but seriously, why i did this topic came to my head? well lets just say that it happened, and its not good to talk about it. when you're in love, never expect what you would expect in movies or tvs, or fairytales. i'm seriously pissed off at girls that thinks story books love is real, and they try to make it happen and sometimes when the guy doesnt get it its his fault, for not wanting to be "in love" with her. but seriously, you cant expect a guy to be there with you all the time, and receiving your call 24-7. i mean how can i answer the call when the guys in the toilet, and then tells the guy that he doesn't love her, and when you have a class or work or something else to do, your always cheating in her eyes....

fantasy are just things that goes about in peoples mind. dont expect it to come in real life, and if you're married, dont ever think that its all gonna be good, and like i said, is never gonna be happily ever after. if you always expect that you're always gonna live happily ever after, you're never gonna be happy with the girl or guy you're with, or worse off, you'll get a divorce.

i love you but i cant touch you

her smile, her voice,

is echoing in my head,

no matter what she does,

i'm still in love with her,

she's my first kiss,

and probably gonna be my last,

the way she treats me,

so nice and warm,

i saved her more than once,

just like superman did with Lois,

or spiderman with Mary-J,

She's the epitome of my love,

we sleep beside each other,

but we can't touch,

if i touch her,

i will probably lose her,

never want that,

never to lose her again,

I love Her but i Can't touch her.......

Inspired by: Pushing Daisies

Silent your phone you freaking idiot!!

handphones.. they are the most incredible thing that has ever been invented. they have helped me in a lot of way, mostly breaking up with a girl without having to face them, or asking them out, without being too socially awkward, and sudden choking. so it has helped me alot. and to whoever invented it is a real genius.

however, there are times that i really get pissed off at the freaking thing. these are the situations.

1. using handhone at the movies.

who wants to be disturbed when you're watching a great movie like Lord Of the Ring. it wasnt just during that time, but during any movie that i have seen. like theWineKone has said in his youtube video, there is always some freaking idiot who doesn't silent their phone when they are in side the cinema. seriously, they have this note showed before the start of any movie that specifically asked you to silent your phone! dumbass! silent you damn phone, you stupid jackass!

2. using the handphone freaking everywhere anywhere

i know you have a lot of credit in your phone, dont do this thing where you go everywhere and just carry the phone in your freaking hand because like every 2 or 3 minutes you'll get a text from someone you know. its freaking annoying. i have this cousin, who i call gay(AZZRA) and everywhere he go, he would usually get a text from someone. and when he goes out, you know what he spend most on? credits. i mean he spent about rm1000 per week just for the sake of credits. and he's not the only one, i also has this friend named Tony who's in Labuan's KML, and according to my other friend, he buys phone credits rm 30 every freaking day. thats a whole lot of money. i dont know whos he calling or texting, but i hate this behaviour. and there was also this girl that i used to date, she w agreed to go out with me, but when we were at this cafe eating, she was looking at her freaking phone the whole time, like i couldn't even finish a damn sentence before the next text would arrive. so i never saw her again, and when she actually did text me some other time, i ignored her number. and please for the love of god, dont text while you are walking , its a stupid idea, because when i went to the Spring last Saturday, there was this douchebag, who bumped into me while he was texting someone, and laughing like an idiot while reading the damn thing. he was angry at me for bumping into him. and i said what? and told him not to be a jackass and text while you're walking. isnt it obvious? i hate jackasses like that....

3. using your handphone while you're out with your friends or talking, or studying, or doing anything that requires attention.

dont ever if you are hanging out with me in particular use your damn phone too much. why use your phone to talk to someone when your friends are already there to talk to you, dumbass. sseriously, use your phone for emergency calls, dont ever text in front of me unless you want your phone to be usable for the next few days.. and when you are in class, or tuition class, please have the courtesy of not texting. it really bad enough that youre not paying attention, you're actually wasting youre time there. i have this friend who went to the same tuition class as me, but every week we meet, he would always buy a reload card before entering the class, and by the end of class, he would buy another one. and the class was merely 2 hours. and he bought like the rm50 credit. and i was so amazed by the way that he spent his money. unfortunately, everytime we went for a break, he would asked me to buy the Jantayu Burger for him, using my money..... what a douche.

seriously people, stop doing things like that that could really annoy people. and i know the reason why some people like to use the phone when they are hanging out with their friends, it may be because they hate their friends or they have no social skill at all. even i talk or socialize when i'm out with my friends, me, the guy that hates everything about my life, and spent most of my days locked up in my room. for me hanging out is the only thing that lets me socialize, that and going to class. and all the guys that i have mentioned before, have tons of friends, and all they do is text and call, and text and call more. such idiots are useless. and try not to comment me saying that i dont text to people because i dont have any friend, i have lots of friends, and i only text them when its important. why would i text them just so i could talk about games, or dating, or girls? maybe because i like to talk instead of texting, or i dont like wasting credits, i dont have any credits technicallly, since i'm a post-paid subscriber. so my words to all the idiots that have done this, or to people who have friends that does this, give a big slap to yourselves or your friends because chances arre you can still save them from becaoming a mindless texting zombies.


"I'm a lot like you so please Hello, I'm here, I'm waiting I think I'd be good for you and you'd be good for me I asked you to go to the Green Day concert You said you never heard of them How cool is that?? So I went to your room and read your diary: "watching Grunge leg-drop New-Jack trough presstable..." and then my heart stopped "listening to Cio-Cio San fall in love all over again.""

Weezer El-Scorcho

when theres nothing to do, dont do anything..

HEROES.....HEROES...and more HEROES....

just finished watching HEROES... the 4th episode of the 3rd season....oh god... it was so intense, i might have woken up my neighbours baby, by screaming for no apparent reason, but i think it has something to do with the fact that PETER almost killed NATHAN, and SYLAR suddenly turned good........ thats all i can say to not spoil it for anyone that watches heroes......haahahhah

also, i just watched episode 6 of "90210", the new generation of the old Beverly HIlls 90210... really there are pretty girls everywhere in the show, like Jessica Stroup, or Shenae Grimes, or AnnaLynne McCord .... but wait theres more, even the actor that potray their moms are pretty hot..... really....they are hot... seriously..

and another show that returned for a 2nd season is, Chuck. and by the way its not a show about throwing stuff, its actually a show about action and SPYING .its like an American James Bond, only, the lead character isn't as good or strikingly charming like James Bond, but the girls are always hot....

Pushing Daisies.. its not a kids show that takes place on a daisy field and kids running around the field and then getting stung by bees. its almost like HEROES, but think of it being a cross-over of HEROES and Lemony Snickets: A series of Unfortunate Event. with the show being narrated. and the HEROES part, the main character thats called NED has this amazing ability to revive the dead, but only for a minute, and if they are let alive for more than that, they will take the life of another one thats very near to them, and if NED touches them the second time they will die... again. so far the onlly death caused by his power is his mother's life for his girlfriends CHUCK's father, then his mother again because he touched her the second time, and then theres CHUCK"S life for a guy who steals at the morgue... and thats it...and by the way, the relationship between those two are not very advisable, since they cannot touch one another.

theres more shows that i want to write about, but i dont want to... and did i tell you that i went to the CATS FM studio today... it was what i always thought it would be, bubbly radio presenter and a whole lot of microphones...

"What's the deal With my brain? Why am I so obviously insane? In a perfect situation I let love down the drain There's the pitch Slow and straight All I have to do is swing and I'm a hero But I'm a zero ..." WEEZER-Perfect Situation

a little out of the odd-dinary

as i have predicted before raya, or specifically the month before Syawal, or October, or during ramadhan or last september, this year's raya wasn't that fun.

the reason?

probably because the time to celebrate raya seems quite shorter and shorter, and maybe its because raya is getting more, and more closer to the month of June. it is the middle of the year and you're celebrating raya... its just kinda not so right. i mean its fine if you're a working class citizens, but if you're a student, any type either school, colleges or even university... it is never fun maybe its because in the middle of the year, you dont get that much of vacations from school, or any institutions. and by not so correct calculations, the date when raya is going to be celebrated at the end of the year is, quite posibly in the year 2018, or somewhere close to there... and by that time, i'll either be dead, or i might have a family, or i might still be living with my parent's house with or without them, or i might be in a hospital somewhere getting open-heart surgery... but in any way i won't be a student in that year....

so anyway, here are the things that i've done durin raya... and if i haven't been to any of my friends house i'm very typically sorry, its either the time was tight, or i was at your house and you weren't home... seriously...

i didn't have that much time at home, the only time i was home was probably at night or the first day of raya(my family had an open house)most of the time was actually spent visiting others..

like the second day, i went to my mom's family.. which included her uncles and aunts and grand-uncles and aunts and to me, they are all my "NENEK"... i just call them that.. and this year the visit ended kinda early because my mom couldn't go no more because of her high blood pressure, and she was sleepy, it was only 7.10 pm..... i dont know whats up with that... and on the plus side i did get to see one my favourite uncle, or to be more specific my dad's cousin.. my father calls him Ghani, i might have to call him Uncle Ghani.. or maybe it was Pak Ghani...well the reason he's one of my favourite is because when he talks about Islam, i somtimes can relate to what he is saying, like how there is a secret war between the different schools in Islam about how to perform your daily prayers, when in the Quran it is stated you must perform the Solat(daily prayers) and the Hadith shows you how to perform it(as Rasullullah wanted us to perform as he did during the prayers) . and to not be terorize by some menacing comments after some have read this, i will not go on...but you catch my drift.....

and finally on the third day of Raya, my time to o visitin with my friends(T-man, Nazwan, Zakey, Pdos, Ridwan, and Kobad(Pdos's friend)and rahman) it was planned to be a about 9 pm, but instead it was pushed forward to11.00 pm. ow and the time shift was caused by waking up late, and long showers.. so we finally did get started, the first house was ridwan's(for me and nazwan) and the second house was Zakey's(first for the others) the third house was Zila's, and then since it was already noon and it was fridays, we had to go perform the Friday's prayer.. we chose to go to masjid Jamek, which was bad idea if you're in a hurry.. the traffic was really-really really really really bad... my car got covered by some ass who drives a Perodua VIVA. but other than that it was fine afterwards.. we went to romy's house to send Zakey over.. and we ate some really yummy things there. and after we went to my cousin's house, OPIE..we had to go there, my mother pressured me to go, and we did. which was agood thing, since we haven;t had lunch. they prepared a delicious meal of steam chicken rice, and daging masak hitam. all of us ate there. so we did...then after... we went over to someone's house i couldnt remember the name... but it was sure fun. then we went over to our BRO's house, brother Fairuz, our substitute teacher who we can really relate to and now maybe he;s like a friend.. and over at his house we found some of his sister's friend over too at the same time as us.. and we had to hold off the fliritng for a while since its raya.. so we behave.. and one thing that brother fairuz advised us all was, never commit to a relationship, have as many friends as you can, and when your ready then you settle down.. this is however is quite similar to my code or also known as the Bro code(which i learned from 'how i met you're mother') which is never marry until youre 30..and the details are quite the same...so afterwards we went to the spring to go kill time, and browse for books, and ice cream.... and later we went searching for Ezza's house which we couldn't find and then to dedek's house... and lastly i went home...quite tiring but i didn't come home late, it was only about 9 something...a nd when i came home, Nek Abu came just after me.so i had to wake up my mother and such ... my brother came home late maybe 11 and my other borther even later than me maybe about 1.00 am... and next morning i woke up and still got the scolding for going home late... i dont know why but it so happens that its my fate....

so the journey ended there... not really the fourth day, yesterday, went to more of my mom's relatives' house and more house... finally came home where nobody was.. both my brother;s wasn;t home... so i was forced to do labour again... when people show up... and when i asked to borrow the car to go to my friends open house my mom told me i cannot go... she said i had enouh fun yesterday... what am i an SPM student?.. so i never went out since yesterday, and still trapped here...i can't wait till i turn 18 next year, maybe then she'll treat me like an adult...

tomorrow is when class will start again, it will be a hard morning to wake up to, but i have to, because i have to... then again most of my assignments are done and i really cant wait to go to Cats FM this thursday, or wednesday...really i cant.....

"you are the epitome of my every being, the essence of my everything, the love of my life..."
heard it or read it from somewhere...

of the dead, and the dead, and zombies all around....

today, just a few days before raya.. i will post my favourite zombie movies, based on what i have seen througout this short life of mine.. and if any of you don't agree with me, please direct you comment to the brick wall over mnyah>>


SPOILER Warning! due to the jackass nature of me, i'm giving in the ending too....

Zombie thriller , favouritessss...

1. Resident Evil Apocalypse:



the second movie, a sequel to Resident Evil. it starts of with a game known as Resident evil or Biohazard in japan. notice why i didn't choose the first movie as my number one, well its because i didn't like the first movie, the zombies were all in one place, that is the underground facility. unlike its predecessor, the zombies are set loose inside Racoon City. there are a whole lot more zombies, and because its a big place, you never know where the zombies might come from. like this scene when Alice, Jill, Peyton and the reporter lady ran from the church and straight to the graveyard, the zombies actually rose from the grave. when i first saw it i was like... "whoa! how come ?"... .. okay anyway, its the whole nemesis thing that really sparked my interest in the movie. in the game, nemesis, like its name is your enemy, most probably one of the most hardest boss i have ever faced in the series, but in the movie, he's actually the good guy from the first movie mutated into nemesis. and he actually helped alice to escape, but sadly he died, like Carlos Olivero in the third movie, and Kaplan in the first movie. and we also get to see the sexy Jill Valentine live and in action, almost as good as Alice but not good enough. unfortunately, she didn't return for the third movie, but two of the guy from this movie made it to the third movie, L.J and Olivero... the end of the movie ends with the destruction of Racoon City, and Alice being resurrected back to life after she was impaled with the metal from the helicopter....

2. Land of the Dead:


second most awesome zombie movie i have seen.. most probably because its like dawn of the dead, where they actually kill the zombie, instead of just being eaten, although at some point in the movie the zombie actually got into the city and ate a bunch of people, who cares?.. they're not the main character. and the best part is, they have this vehicle-like-bus where they can actually fire missile, and RPG, and machine gun, and it has this camera for parameter search and , and...and...and.. you can be safe from zombies in there, unless you open the door, or the sky light. its the only zombie movies that i've seen that actually has a hero zombie, or the zombie that actually has intelligent, and can use tools. it appears in this movie, the zombie has evolve too much that they can use guns, and knife, and can swim!!... well the end of the movie is the zombie took over the city of the last surviving people, and the people, i think, went to Alaska or something... of course with the cool anti-zombie vehicle, or AZV.



Between these 2 movies, i cant really decide.... because both are awesome... but because i really do think i have to choose, i'll choose, RESIDENT EVIL. because i can actually be part of the zombie killing action team, by playing the game. my actual thought while watching the movie is to kill as much zombies as you can.... my mind is twisted, but its much better than me imagining killing real people, right? or even killing small furry animal just for the sake of fun... i'm not sadistic or anything, its just killing return from the dead guys are much cooler, and they dont try to stop you if you kill it. heheheheheh....

"there's a place off ocean avenue, where i used to sit and talk with you, we were both sixteen and it felt so right, sleeping all day staying up all... night....staying up all night...."
Yellowcard-Ocean Avenue

Do i really want to know

she's cute,
and she's sweet,
but she's too cocky...

she's smart,
and creative,
but she's a babe....

is this the girl that i've been looking for?
or is she just another crush meant to crush me later,
i'm lost for words when she's with me,
so i can't say for sure,
what she couldn't say to me,
but the very words i'm searching for,
she once said while asleep,
but i knew she meant it,
really she does,
and the rest about her
i just don't wanna know,
cause i love her so.....

could it be more boring or better after that...

what more can you get when there's nothing to do.

no watching movies, no going out, busy with the assignments and other stuff..

but i've heard that some shows are coming back for a new season like SUPERNATURAL, HEROES, TERMINATOR:THE SARAH CONOR CHRONICLES, and the last one is CHUCK.


these are the shows that i've been looking forward to since the end of its last season....

hurray for september...

and this october, southpark will be airing its second half of season 12... more looking forward to that....

as final as my last fantasy...

i'm obsessed with the final fantasy series, from the 7th game to the 10th game. all this ramadhan i've been playing the games again, except for final fantasy 8 which i didn't play(my brother played it) and final fantasy 9 which i dont really enjoy playing the second time.

Final Fantasy 7:
A dawn of new age for final fantasy, with feature such as ATB(active time battle), fully polygonal character, and pre-rendered background beutifully created especially for the game. i love the game, although the love story turns out to be a love triangle between Cloud, Aerith and Tifa, in the end, cloud ended up with tifa eventually after Aerith died. the 7th has its own series, which is FF7 Before Crisis, FF7 Crisis Core, FF7 Dirge of Cerberus and of course the FF7 sequel movie, Advent Children.

Final Fantasy 8:
one of the first game to actually have a character with normal proportion and the first series to actually have a voice in its soundtrack, (EYES ON ME, my favourite song, and listening now as i write). the story revolves around Squall and his friends after becoing SEEDS meeting Rinoa, trying to assasinate the Galbadian president, sent back in time to watch Laguna's past and killing some sorceress, and finally travelling to outer space.(two of which final fantasy to actually travel to space, one is Final Fantasy 7) the love story of a clod0hearted guy, with a spunky girl(one of the theme which is the same as the last final fantasy) happy ending, no girl dies except for Laguna's wife, which she wasn't killed by some antagonis, she died during childbirth. it didn't spawn any sequel, which is very boring, but no sequel is needed because it ends with a happy ending....

Final Fantasy 9:
a fantasy driven world, like the world of Final Fantasy before 7. i didn't like it too much, maybe becuase the character looks like kid, and very not proportional to anything. and the main character is a guy with tail, and the girl he loves is a princess who's mother is fat and evil, controlled by Kuja the protagonist supposedly older brother(both are actually created by some guy name Gathat actually has rland, who they call father) the game features a character in the game singing to a song, just like the previous title. the game ends happily because it was first thought that Zidane (the main protagonist of the game and not the football player) is dead because he stayes with Kuja at the end, but he is actually alive. the end shows that zidane revealed himself under the robe to Garnet(the character's love interest) and them embracing. it also show other happy scene such as, the queens bodyguard Steiner and Beatrix being together, Freya restarting her relationship with her boyfriend who apparently lost his memory, Eiko (a summoner too like Garnet) being adopted by Garnet's uncle Cid, Vivi apparently having children and Quina eating a whole lot of food. i don't really enjoyed the game because i didn't play it alone, i actually played it with 3 other people, my brother and my other 2 cousin, Mateen and Rudy.


Final Fantasy 10:
the first of the series to have the character with voice, and 3d rendered background instead of the old pre-rendered background. it start with Tidus re-telling the stories of how he ended up in Ruined Zanarkand. it tells the story love surpassed by time. the tale of summoner, guardians, Aeons, Fayth, Sin, fatherhood, friendship and love. Tidus is a star in a fictional sports named Blitzball. Yuna is a summoner, daughter of another summoner who fought the last Sin and brought the temporary calm who's guardian turned out to be Tidus's father and the present Sin. because Tidus loves Yuna, he won't let her die just for a temporary Calm, but instead find a way to actually kill Sin permenantly, without having to sacrifice Yuna's life or even Tidus's life. in the end, Sin is killed with the help of Yuna's Uncle Cid's Machina to enter Sin, and destroy it from the insie by killing the possesed Aeon that is present inside Sin, and finally Tidus killing his own father(his father wanted him to kill him to prevent the cycle of sin to continue) so after Sin dies, Tidus disappears with Sin, and Auron. leaving Yuna alone to be the last high summoner to stop Sin and brong forth the eternal Calm. it may sound like a sad ending, but the game actually has a sequel known as FF X-2.

Final fantasy 10-2:
the game continues after the first game. Yuna is famous because she stopped Sin. she's famous but not happy, as the man she loves is not there(note that Tidus is not dead) so while one day Yuna was doing what she always do at Besaid island, Rikku came to see her. Rikku along with her brother known as Brotherhas establish themselves as sphere hunters, that goesaround the world hunting sphere. anyway, Rikku came to Yuna bringing her a sphere that Kimahri found at mount Gagazet. the sphere shows a guy that looks similarly like tidus but not quite him, inside a cage. so this was where her adventure began, she left her post as the famous high summoner and joined Rikku's sphere hunting group known as the gullwings. she ditched her summoner attire and switched to a more revealling clothes that resembles Tidus's clothes in the previous game. so it went along she found other sphere, and got into other adventures, and finally found out that the guy in the sphere wasn't tidus, but actually Shuyin, another guy from zanarkand too but in a different ERA. he and his love Lenne died together but he never heard the last word that Lenne said to him, which was "i love you" he didn't heard it because he died. so his spirit was in grief over not hearing her said i love you to him one last time, and eventually his grief turned to anger and his spirit bonded with the pyreflies and formed another image of him(kinda like a spirit form) and possesed this guy called Baralai. he was plannig to use the ultimate weapon called vegnagun to destroy the world because he believed by destroying the world, the world would vanish along with him and ended his misery. but eventually Yuna and the gang destroyed vegnagun, and beated Shuyin. but of course he wasn't dead yet. so the spirit of Lenne actually came through and ended the grief that has taken over Shuyin all this time. he found out that she had always loved him and such. finally both vanished together. the ending depends on what the player did, if they haven't done a certain thing then they won't get the ultra-mega happy ending and eventually the ultimate perfect ending. the normal ending is Yuna finding out that Tidus is always in her heart no matter where he was, and she could always meet with him at the farplane. the ultra-mega happy ending is that the fayth of Bahamut, asked Yuna if she wanted to meet him again, she answered yes, so the fayth gathered up Tidus's memory within the farplane and combined it with his pyreflies thus making tidus reborn again, ashinted in the ending of FF10. Tidus wakes up underwater, like he did when he first arrived at Besaid Island. he swam up and noticed that it was the Beach in front of Besaid island.he swam to the shore and saw Yuna's airship landing near the water. Yuna ran out of the ship and embraces him like she never embraced him before. so the ending to this ending, is Tidus telling Yuna, "you've change."
Yuna:"well a lot has happened while you were gone"
Tidus:"well tell me everything about it"
Yuna:"well it all started when i saw this sphere of you..."
that was the ending to the ultra-mega happy ending . if you finished the game asecond time reaching 100%, you can get the reunion Yuna had with Tidus at the Zanarkand ruins. the most beutifully done story.... i really love this game....

this ends the sum of Final fantasy which i had played and really enjoyed all this time. all in all, i guess most tells the story of a certain group stopping some big evil forces, and finding love along the way, while having you're friend by your side to help you out. i've tried playing FF12 but the game doesn't connect to me in any way, maybe because of the name of the character, Vahn or maybe because of the storyline, but its not very enjoyable to me. so i'm kinda waiting for final fantasy 13 which is gonna gonna come out in the PS3, next year. so by next year i should at least own a PS3 or an X-box 360 to play the game....

"i'm haunted by this photograph, i don't know why, everytime i look, i get shivers down my spine, you've such a beautiful face, i know those eyes, they take me back in time...."
Shawn Hlookoff- She could be You

JAM PASSION

due to the recently boring nature of my life this last few weeks, meaning that i have done absolutely nothing, and maybe if i did something it wasn't blog-worthy... now i'm going to go through my passion for jamming....

here are the chronicles of tha places that i have went to jam these pass times.....

1- Les Paul Saberkas
first time jamming. the rooms are quite small, but the drums are well and finely tuned unlike some other places that i know of. there are 2 rooms, make sure to choose the second room(the left one) that has this amazing drums, the other room when i used to jam here had this shaky drum. it wan't very pleasan to play with shaky drums so me and my cousin moved to the other room.
Price=RM20 per hour (most noted price here in Kuching)



2- HMI or IMH at Sukma
one of those places where i could go to after school. using your own motorcycles to school really rocks especially when you need to go jamming afterwards. the place was still new when me and my classmates went there,i dont know the conditionnow...and though some really terrible thing happened there this one time(one of my friends motorcycles was stolen here, Hapiz pun) we still enjoyed the time there.
Price=RM20 (when i first jammed here, but now i think its 25 or less i dont know)

3- Audiowave music house at Satok
the place that me, pdoz, pdoy, izat and arkam went to between tuition class, before BM cekgu Roslan. the probably most popular jamming place for TUNAZ's hostel student and a few other schools too. they used to be inside the Satok building before they renovate. inside the building, they have 2 rooms, but after they move out into that place above SCR foodcourt, they only have one room, but with the most finest equipment you can find.
Price=RM30 (most suitable if you are going into battle of the band or forming your own band.)

4- BNB music
probably one of the most place that i go to everyweek since graduating highschool. they only have one room, but with soundproof glasses and music sheets holder.at one point i really enjoyed this place but as times moves on, and more people used it, the instruments become worn down, and more damage than you can get from an accident.the drums are really out of tuned now, the hi hats are inverted the guitar are rusted and dusty. they are now closing the jamming place because of the damage to their instrument. i think its a good idea too.
Price=used to be RM18 for Duo and RM20 for Band



5- Flinstone jamming studio
bet most dont know that flintstone has opened their own jamming studio, but in case you do know, than forget i mention the first line. they have 2 rooms, i've only been in one room, which was pretty rock-based decoration. the walls are made from something painted with dark colours. thats about it, i don't know much about the place yet, just been there once only. they sell t-shirts and cd too there. and they do showcase, like their shop in the satok building, some band playing on the TV.
Price=RM20-RM25


there are probably more places in Kuching to jam but i'm still hunting for it. so if any of you guys out there know any, tell me where the location is.

and the places that i know of,but haven't gone to yet is, groove republic, that place in BDC, and Ala carte(medan pelita)...


"We passed upon the stair, we spoke in was and when,Although I wasn't there, he said I was his friend, Which came as a surprise, I spoke into his eyes,i thought you died alone... along long time ago....oh no.. not me..we never lost control, you're face to face with the MAN WHO SOLD THE WORLD"
Nirvana cover Dsvid Bowie- The Man Who sold the world (Yes this is a David Bowie Song, covered by Nirvana)

think about what you did......

Superior Complex......

i think i have this problem....

don't know what it means, but i don't think its good....

ramadhan, and so on...

it was announced a few minutes ago, that the fasting month was to start tomorrow, which has just worsen my week. first worst thing, i can't go out yesterday at night for some strange reason. i dont get to see the girl that i was hoping to like. and my dad was admitted to the hospital because of hypertension. this was a very crappy week for me. plus i haven't even finished my assignment which was due next week, tomorrow. so in the morning i must finished it. i must.

the weekends really sucked. the weather keeps turning bad, i kept getting scolded by my mother for no apparent reason,. and for once on my whole seventeen years living, i didn't get to celebrate the independence day.which i kinda admit was lame of me to miss it. each and every year i would somehow find a way to celebrate it. like last year, i didn't quite remember it, but i went out with someone and saw the parade and the fireworks, and the hot girls. and the year before that, i slept at the midnight celebration, but i was in one of the parade. and the year before that was with rudy. so this year i dont feel the heat anymore. nothing feels right about this whole year. i turned seventeen, but i didn't feel like it, i met some hot girls earlier this year and still not feeling it, and Raya is about a month away, and i dont feel like celebrating Raya, most probabl because most of my friends are not here, even my family is not here. if i were to live a long life, i would probably labeled this year as the most boring year of my life. plus i'm still treated like a kid. i cant go anywhere. when my brother finished highschool, my mother bought him a car, and he went out like crazy. and me, i dont get a car, i dont get to go out, and i still get yelled at for no apparent reason.i still cant go out because each and every week, there will always be some kind of excuses. and i am afraid of having a girlfriend relationship with any girl.
if i go meet a shrink, i would most probably be classified as having issues with relationship. i dont, its just that i havent met the right girl.

the right girl for me:
1-kind and caring(obvious answer)
2-funny and can understand my kind of jokes
3-can understand it when i talk games with her
4-likes the music that i like
5-not so bitchy
6-not that choosy
7-have a really cute laugh and smile
8-likes long distant car rides and motorcycle rides
9-isn't too trendy
10-enjoy watching movies and criticizing and making fun of lame movies

this kind of traits isn't that hard to find, but they dont come in the whole package, they come in little package, like number 1 and number 3. or 1,2,3,5,6,9. or even 1,2,3,4,5.. and such... i'm sure hoping to find the girl if i search hard and long and really carefully. but with the way things are going with me, i dont even know if its even gonna come true.

i'm really hoping to find the girl, and i just hope i find her soon, since i'm starting to lose my will to live. now my only goal is to become the next steven spielberg, or ahmad idham, or aziz m osman. i'm searching for some other aspiration to pursue, and i hope i can find the girl, or if there are any girl reading this post out there that thinks that they fill the right girl criteria, well leave a comment and i'll let you know.

"first comes heavy breathing, staring at the ceiling, what will happen next i dont wanna know..."
New Found Glory-I Dont Wanna Know

but its better if you do.... and probably the best if you dont

masquarade ball.... i dont have any experience with these kind of things, most probably because i dont ever feel like going to those kinds of event... EVER.... maybe because of the couple thing, or maybe its because of the age difference, or maybe i'm just not the socialite kind that goes to those things.... but according to the lecturer it is compulsary to all students to go.. still its not for me, and it never will. if i have a date i might consider going, yeah.. and monkeys might fly out of my butts(waynes world tribute)........



so in any case if they even force me to go, i would probably just sit in my car and wait for a few hours then leave .... and to just prepare for the worst i have prepared a few mask for the ball....

the silver man.... seriously though, it took me hours to make the mask, and i have no intention to decorate it. and there is another one

its the same mask, i just turned it upside down, and added a little mouth to the bottom part... and if i'm feeling a wee bit halloween spirit, there's the big jack-o-lantern mask....

the jack-o-lantern thing(rudy's mask) the scary mask that gave some of my friends nightmare at school, kidding, and then theres the whole green leaf on top of the head that annoys me......

the burn victim look...or as i name it Knife point.....heheheh... whatever decision i made tomorrow, i am prepared....

and did i mention that this saturday will either be a happy day or sad day for me, or just another saturday ...... i'll update after the whole things happens... or maybe tomorrow if i have time.....

"wandering the street with the world underneath it all... nothing seems to be, nothing taste as sweet as what i can have..... like you and the was as you twisting your hair round your finger..... tonight i'm going tell you, what i feel about you..." Teddy Geiger-For You I Will(confidence)

MR. Sandman

Mister Sandman, bring me a dream
Make her cutest that I've ever seen
Give her two lips like roses in clover
Then tell her that her lonesome nights are over

Mister Sandman,
I'm so aloneDon't have nobody to call my own
Please turn on your magic beam
Mister Sandman, bring me a dream

Mister Sandman, bring me a dream
Make her cutest that I've ever seen
Give her the word that I'm not a rover
Then tell her that her lonesome nights are over

Mister Sandman, I'm so alone
Don't have nobody to call my own
Please turn on your magic beam
Mister Sandman, bring me a dream

Mister Sandman, bring us a dream
Give her a pair of eyes with a congeal of gleam
Give her a lonely heart like Harlehatschi
And not so wavy hair like Liberachi

Mister Sandman, someone to hold
Would be so peachy before we're to old
So please turn on your magic beam
Mister Sandman, brings us
Please, please, please


Mister Sandman
Bring us a dream

the aftermath, the end... and the starting...

Limkokwing class started last week. it was a busy week for me and my whole family. there was this weeding of my aunt( my mom's cousin) wedding. it took about three days to finish, the first day, friday, the akad nikah. then saturday, the wedding reception, and Sunday the thank you party .

but wait there's more. that sunday was also the day of my newborn cousin's makan Selamat. that was probably what last week was all about.



in every family there's always this rich family thats somehow connected to us. there are some from my mother's side. they are my second cousin. they are filthy rich and live in this big house, and i never seem to connect with them. probably the main reason because the dont seem to remember me at all. they remember everyone else in my family but not me and my brothers. it was kinda, how should i put it, weird that they dont know family. so i was like whatever, and i didn't care. when they saw me, i knew that they looked right throuht me like i'm invisible or something. it wasn't a really big deal but i never seem to connect with them at all. when we were kids, my mom would inrodused us as second cousin because we need to know our family. they would of course acknowledge my existense for once, and they would try and have a conversation with me. and the next few years we dont see each others and they forgot about us already. how could they forget about us, i didn't forget them. and the next again we met, and this time our mom introdused us again, just in case we forgot who we were. and so our existense are once again acknowledge. but then again of course the whole process starts again. forgetting, introducing, and acknowledging and such.

and do you ever meet with rich kids? they're favourite line is " i may be rich but i can talk with everyone. i'm humble."
as if. i've been with rich kids that are like that. they say they can talk with everyone, and i agree they can, but they dont hang out with everyone. but dont worry this has nothing to do with anyone that i know, NOT!

"Kabus malam tanpa bulan bintang seribu satu kisah lenggang lenggok mu... figura hatiku!!"
THE TIMES-Konfrantasi primadonna 1965

a mind set..a film touched...a new life.. a new prespective

malaysian film can be quite boring and yet again i see them to support the local scene. but the whole idea of following up-to-date movie such as the drift racing movies, is so not good. i want the malaysian film industry to come up with their own movie ideas, instead of following the flow of interest in that time. i mean come on, have a more better idea than following the fast and furious movies 'Tokyo Drfit' and turning it into something like 'KL Drift'. some people really liked this kind of movie, but that doesn't mean the whole of malaysia liked it. some will think that its a cheap ripoff of the Tokyo Drift. why not come up with something original like the one show that i respect because it can comeup with its own title, Impak Maksima(although the term Maksima doesn't exist in the malay dictionary, the term Maksimum is more appropriate). and another reason i respect it is because it can grow into a tv series. that is what i want from malaysian film makers, to make your movies original, without following the trend, and if you can come up with better plot, make it into a tv series. and come out with new genres for god sake. never ever go for the same thing over and over again, the rotations of love stories, and comedies, or romantic comedies, and suffering romantic comedy. the new genres introduced in these 2-3 years are scary movies, and racing movies. why not come with sci-fi, or action, or even those independence movies.

TV are a really good media. the medium can send a message to the whole world. but in particular in malaysia. the whole TV series is kinda, well i wouldn't call it a joke but... its not that interesting. the series they make is usually about life drama. as if our life is not filled with drama as it is. dramas are interesting to watch but it doesn't open our mind. with the introducing of ASTRO to our tv sets at home, we may never tune in to local tv station that much anymore, we may prefer to watch western tv shows. i on the other hand much prefer the local stations since my room doesn't have ASTRO, but its not the only reason, the other one is because the show are mostly repeats everyday. they repeat the same shows everyday, and only change weekly. so instead i watch the local stations because they dont have repeats, except maybe for the late night slot which i can assure nobody really watches except for those insomniac person.

one tv shows genre that i know i like is the new horror tv series Kekasihku Seru. those thursday nights slot are really interesting to watch because it shows the ghostly other-worldly that of our culture. the power of a human being that is able to see these superntural being and some are capable of destroying them.

another tv shows that i like is KAMI the tv series. it focuses on 4 teens. when i first saw this show, i was like " Finally malaysia's own teen dramas". i liked the whole tv series mainly because it focuses on teenagers, and how they deal with life, one a recovering drug addict, one a poor ex-drug dealer, one a kleptomaniac misunderstood kid who was never seen as anything to his parents eyes , one a girl that falls in love in the internet, and one uptight girl that doesn't listen to reason and likes boys a little too much. but one thing that all these kids have in common is that they all listen to indie music, and are connected by this fanzine made by the ex drug dealer called KAMI. that is how the shows got its name. but one thing about this show that i didn't like is the fact that it uses the same scene over and over again, but from a different person point of view. they could have used the scene in one episode only and continue on with another plot, without involving the same scene from another's view. the shows so far has one season, and i really hoped it will continue on for another season, and a rumor going on is that KAMI the Movie is in the making. cant wait for it. plus the show introduced malaysia to the world of indie music, which is quite sad actually. before nobody knew of the band Meet uncle hussein, the times couple, and other bands. the now going on tour is the KAMI the GIG, featuring Meet uncle hussien and all its patrons.

Film industry in malaysia really need to boost their taste and their ideas to actually make it to the same level as those in the UK or the US. so goodluck malaysia...

"terjatuh bangun semula, panic di Kuala Lumpur"
The Times-Panic! di Kuala Lumpur

to the love i left my conscience pressed through the keyhole I watched you dress,

ooh... ouch... oweh.....

the very words that i constantly heard this week. there has been many accidents happening around me. my cousin's boyfriend, my friend, some of my neighbour, and a few guys that i happen to meet at the accident site. it's like a feeling that I'm about to be involve with those things.. but i won't keep my hopes on being in an accident, because primarily, if I'm in an accident, i wont get to drive again. accidents using motorcycles is alright, since no one knows about it but me, but if I'm using the car, the scratches could be very noticeable. plus when i drive i may not be alone. my brother could be with me. and he always tells my mother what i do. which is the opposite of me. whenever he does things i wont tell anybody, not even my friend. least to say about the accidents that he was in, nothing serious really, but bumping into a car in the parking lot, or even the incident when he was at the roundabout.

whatever he's done I'll keep it a secret.

and my other brother. the oldest one. could be the most one that i have most in common with but never that close. he likes to buy things that are really expensive, and have this tendency to not let anyone use it, especially me..... things like, wax, earphone, food, his phone, and other things. but when it comes to using my stuff, well lets just say boundaries can be reached.

case number 1
-using my mouthwash. he thinks i don't know. how do you explain my newly-purchased Listerine is gone within one week after i bought it...

case number 2
-using my laptop without my concern. lets just say my laptop has a sing in time. how can i log in to my laptop when I'm out jamming:?

there area lot more case that i can present, but since they are my brother, i couldn't do anything about it. plus nobody would believe me anyway.... I'm like the black sheep of the family..


that's about my brother..


now about the rest of my family...
there are 2 sides in any family, one is the father's side, and the other is the mother's side, of course.

my father's side:
-they are humble people. mostly one that sticks to tradition(their parent of course,and their kids tend to follow but with a modern twist) almost all of them knows me, and they are familiar with me rather than my brother. plus they all know my name, and know my father. i really like going to this side whenever there are any function. and by the way, this side is really rich, but they do not show it, even in the way they dress

my mother's side:
-one that i used to like when i was a kid(mostly because my grandfather was still alive,god rest his soul) now after my grandfather passed away, i hate them. maybe its because of their behaviour, although they are funny, but its just that they are a little bit harsh. most of them are a bit too shallow. i mean come on what kind of a kid can only hangout with a another kid that are very rich. even their kid's girlfriends-boyfriends are rich... and because i never bring my girlfriend home, i am somewhat of an outsider to them. and they even judge people before they even know them. i mean i used to have this girlfriend that live somewhere, and they made fun of her just because she lived there. plus many of the people on this side don't even know me. i mean what kind of a family member puts you outside at a family function just because you don't know them, only to put you back into the house after they've met your mother. really that really pisses me off. it happened when i was with my brother. and one main thing is the one that knows me usually only makes fun of me. and the choice of work that i chose isn't to their liking, while on my father's side, they are really supportive of what i choose.

both family sides have their own chosen work fields

Father's side
-what you like to be, and mostly accountants. proud for what you do

mother's side
-the scientific side, mostly engineers, doctors. those who do not meet the requirements(like me) are outcast, even by my mother. i mean, last raya, i went to my grand-aunt(my grandfather's sister) and when i said i was going to be a director(movie director, no the company director) my mother said it was a silly ambition. so what, I've wanted to be that since i was a kid. and she said i was silly, and the respond from my grand-aunt was, a new field to be broken into. i was lucky she said that.

mother's side
most of the talks when my family are presents are of my brothers only. they never talk about me. i just finished my first semester in limkokwing but no one talked about that. my brother just received a letter to proceed into medicine was talked about all year long, even before he accepted it. it seems that i wasn't there. i am invisible. not there not anywhere. and i intend not to be there.


my reasons for posting this post today was because within a few weeks, my mother's cousin, is getting married. the function was two days, one at the my mom's cousin's house, and the second one, is at crown plaza(riverside hotel) i have stated that i didn't want to go, but she insisted that i go, since if i dont go they wont come to our families function if we had any. i wont elaborate any further but lets just say, whenever we have any family function, its always the same ones that come. i never see anyone else come, even on my grandfather's anniversary of his death(known as makan howl/hole/hoel whatever) mostly that comes is his friend. and close relatives(the first cousins, uncles, aunts, grand aunts/uncle)

so i have struck a deal with my mother, i will only go on one day only, which is at the house. and the on;y reason i wanted to go is because my gay cousin(Azzra) insisted to his father that we perform a song at the reception. one song that is"when you look me in the eyes" by the Jonas brothers. i first voted for"i don't love you" by my chemical romance but it just doesn't fit the whole wedding concept, but i think it does.so it has been decided. when you look me in the eyes. and one more thing, my newborn cousin's baby shower or known here as 'makan selamat' will be held also. so I'm in charge of taking photos and videos, and performing some show tunes which i really think wont happen, since they have no other things to use as an instrument other than our electric guitar. a talk of renting drums was rumored but hearing the price of renting the whole set for rm2000, well lets just save the money for buying drums rather than renting them. and for performance, i bet it will be another karaoke and sing-along. .....I'd rather stay somewhere else....so that's why after i graduate, i was thinking of running away from this place, from my family. i really wont miss them, or this place. I've been humiliated and harassed by this place for too long. and they always say that after parting with your family, you'll realize how important they are to you, but i never felt that. even when i went camping at school, or went to kl, or sleep somewhere other that here. i felt i don't wanna go home. my second older brother was thinking of doing just that after completing his doctor things.....go somewhere far from here.

"Don’t you know that I could see That you’re not afraid of dying Don’t you know that I could see There is not much use for crying"-now that i can see by Couples