i've no intention...she must've know... i have a gut feeling. i don't know what should i do... never had i had a crush for a girl like this one.
maybe i should just tell her... but if i do tell her, wouldn't it be kinda awkward? me, the guy who she just met a few times... but you'll never know if you don't try..... so i'm never gonna try.. better stay in ignorance then facing the music.
and due to some stupid circumstances... theres also all that rumour around campus... (how i wish to only stay hidden.) hidden... i like being hidden, if it gets out, i don't ...i don't know what to do.
i've faced humiliation by my friends more time, as far as anyone knows.. i'm not being emo. i even knew she read this blog.... but as far as it does bother me... the code that i used to hide her name, it was so obvious.
and thats when everything gets tougher... i've thought about it.. maybe she is outof my league.. maybe that pie in ths sky dream that i've had is just meant to be pie in the sky dream. that star i've been trying to reach is gone. that wishing star i've been wishing on is stupid. and all i have left could only be just what i do have left. i mean, i know, that with all the things happening around my life, i've always have more things to think about. and life isn't worth it thinking about just one girl, but all i want is for that one girl, no THE GIRL, to be a part of it. so i can always have someone there, in the bad times... or the good times... or just any time..... and just cause inever really liked a girl this much before makes me think that...well lets just say that it makes me think.
will she always be the one? the one that i'll always spend my time with, from the first until the last. but thats all just a thought of a hopeless romantic...thinking too far ahead. when everythings happening now.
but i rather not tell her. if it means there will always be that awkward moment whenever i see her.i'd rather keepit to myself, than feel that what i've done is just for nothing. cause confessing you love someone that much, is like taking a HUGE step in my life. its not like that i have feelings for anyone else. i don't. i don't have any feelings for any girls that i meet. there are special ones... guess she'll never know.... guess i won't know... guess that all i could only do is just stand in the middle of the world and just look around. that happy ending that ive always dreamed about won't ever come true. but i'm not searching for it.
THIS POST IS SERIOUSLY STARTING TO SOUND ALL EMO.. SO I"M JUST GONNA STOP...
this blog has always been a haven for me. to express my thougths to the world. but i've neverbeen able to express my thought in real life. so i'm just gonna stop, stop doing this, start getting a real life, and just start thinking like anormal person would. so long i've always thought my life was like a movie, or TV show that i've ignored eveything and just keep doing what i do. but its not, that dream girl that i like, won't be mine, that job that i've wanted to have all the time won't be mine, i'll probly end up with just a crappy job. and friends, they aren't always what they seem. they always have something up, behind or front, with or without me. and i'm always the kind of friend, that usually in movies , be the unimportant ones. (the best friend of the hero, that becomes an unimportant part of the plot asthe story progresses.)
risky risky business, i'm only a risk. even if i do confess to her, where would it end up. even when i'm only her friend, i'll always want more, so maybe i shouldn't be involved with her. maybe. maybe maybe.(i hate using mabye)MAYBE MAYBE MAYBE....
"don't know why i'd fall for you, i only wanted you to always smile, so if i'm not the one that could make you smile, then... i guess i'm not the one... " Confession of a hopeless romantic...
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